Why Is My Child Afraid of Making Mistakes?
A Pediatric Occupational Therapy Perspective
Many parents share with us that their child becomes distressed when something doesn’t go perfectly. They may avoid starting tasks, give up quickly, become upset when corrected, or use harsh self-talk like “I’m bad at this” or “I can’t do anything right.” Let’s explore some reasons why this happens:
Mistakes Can Feel Unsafe to a Child’s Nervous System
For some children, making a mistake triggers a strong stress response. When a task feels unpredictable, challenging, or emotionally loaded, the nervous system may interpret it as a threat. In these moments, the body shifts into a protective state. Thinking becomes rigid, emotional responses intensify, and access to problem-solving skills decreases. This is why children may shut down, avoid tasks, or become overwhelmed even when they appear capable.
From an OT lens, this response is not intentional or behavioural. It reflects a mismatch between task demands and the child’s current capacity for regulation, flexibility, and emotional tolerance.
Problem-Solving Requires More Than Cognitive Skill
Effective problem-solving relies on multiple underlying systems working together, including:
Emotional regulation and frustration tolerance
Cognitive flexibility (trying more than one approach)
Motor planning and sequencing
Executive functioning (initiation, working memory, sustained effort)
When regulation is compromised, these skills are much harder to access. A child may “know” what to do but still struggle to apply that knowledge under stress. This often leads to avoidance or rigid attempts to get things “just right.”
Perfectionism as a Coping Strategy
In young children, perfectionistic tendencies often function as a coping strategy rather than a personality trait. Focusing on getting things right can help a child feel more in control when tasks feel effortful or overwhelming.
However, this strategy comes at a cost. Fear of mistakes can limit exploration, reduce willingness to try new strategies, and interfere with learning through trial and error … all of which are a critical component of development.
Why Reassurance Alone Isn’t Always Enough
When children express frustration through statements like “I’m terrible at this,” the instinctive response is often to correct or reassure them. While well-intentioned, this can unintentionally skip over the emotional experience driving the behaviour. From an OT perspective, naming the underlying emotion supports regulation more effectively than contradicting the statement. Reflecting frustration, disappointment, or worry helps children make sense of what they’re feeling and reduces emotional intensity. Once regulation improves, problem-solving becomes more accessible.
How Occupational Therapy Supports Growth
Pediatric OT focuses on addressing the foundations that allow children to tolerate mistakes and persist with challenges. Intervention may include:
Supporting self-regulation and co-regulation
Grading task demands to reduce overwhelm
Modifying the environment to support success
Building tolerance for uncertainty and effort
Coaching caregivers to embed strategies into daily routines
Rather than pushing children to “try harder,” OT works to ensure the demands of a task align with the child’s current capacity, creating opportunities for success that build confidence over time.
Why This Matters in Early Childhood
Early experiences with challenge shape how children approach learning, relationships, and problem-solving as they grow. When mistakes feel unsafe, children may withdraw from opportunities that support development. When mistakes are supported within a regulated, safe context, children learn that challenges are manageable and growth is possible.
When regulation is supported, flexibility increases.
When flexibility increases, problem-solving becomes possible.
And when mistakes feel safe, learning can truly happen.
Ayesha Raza, OT Reg. (Ont.)
This content is intended for general educational purposes and does not replace individualized occupational therapy assessment or intervention.