Why Your Child Can Hold It Together at School but Melts Down at Home
Many parents notice a consistent pattern. Their child appears regulated in the school environment, yet experiences dysregulation at home. This can feel confusing and concerning, especially when reports from school suggest that the child is managing well.
From an occupational therapy perspective, this pattern can be explained:
1. Self-Regulation Requires Sustained Cognitive and Sensory Effort
The school environment places ongoing demands on a child’s regulatory systems. Children are expected to attend, follow multi-step instructions, manage sensory input, inhibit impulses, and participate in different environments for extended periods of time.
For many children, particularly those with differences in sensory processing, attention, or executive functioning, maintaining regulation in this context requires significant effort. Regulation at school is often achieved through continuous self-monitoring and adaptive coping strategies.
This effort is not always visible.
2. Home as a Context of Reduced Demand and Increased Safety
During the school day, children use a lot of energy to stay focused, follow rules, manage emotions, and meet expectations. Their nervous system stays in a more alert state to help them get through these demands.
When children come home, their body recognizes that it is a safe place. Expectations are lower, routines are familiar, and trusted adults are present. As the nervous system shifts out of that alert mode, built-up stress from the day can start to show.
This can look like lower frustration tolerance, bigger emotional reactions, or difficulty with transitions and routines in the evening. They may be a sign that the nervous system is tired and beginning to recover after a long day of effort.
Understanding this can help parents respond with support rather than pressure during after-school and evening routines.
3. Sensory Load Adds Up Over the Day
Throughout the school day, children are exposed to continuous sensory input including auditory input, visual stimulation, tactile stimulation, movement demands, and more. Even when these inputs are within a child’s tolerance, the cumulative effect can contribute to nervous system fatigue.
From a sensory processing perspective, regulation can become increasingly difficult as sensory load accumulates. When a child reaches their regulatory threshold, the nervous system may shift toward a state of overload.
Dysregulation at home is often a reflection of this cumulative load rather than an isolated behavioral concern.
OT-informed approaches may include:
• Allowing a period of low-demand transition time after school
• Reducing cognitive and sensory load during early evening routines
• Providing predictable structure and visual supports
• Supporting regulation through movement, quiet activities, or sensory input matched to the child’s needs
• Observing patterns of fatigue or overload to guide environmental adjustments
The goal is to support recovery and regulation before introducing additional demands.
Regulation is not a fixed skill but a dynamic process that changes across contexts and throughout the day. When children demonstrate increased dysregulation at home, it may reflect the multiple demands placed on their nervous system rather than a lack of capability.
An occupational therapy lens allows families to respond with strategies that support participation, regulation, and long-term skill development.
Ayesha Raza, OT Reg. (Ont.)
This content is intended for general educational purposes and does not replace individualized occupational therapy assessment or intervention.